I Won't Give Up
by Ramonks33
Summary: AU: Modern Day, New York. Luke Castallan lost his love, Thalia Grace, after chasing her away a year ago. Now he has one last chance, before they might part ways forever. One last chance to tell her what he should've said all those moments ago. Rated T for language


I Won't Give Up

_A/N: Brace yourselves for a lot of angst. _

It hurt. It hurt so much, just seeing her beautiful face. Every time he looked at her, his heart would swell with joy, and with sorrow, even though she is no longer his. Those eyes, those wondrous eyes, filled with fury and passion, yet they would no longer meet his own. Her hands, worn and scarred, he missed the feeling of them slipping into his own, when he'd gently rub the back of her hand with his calloused thumb. Short, black hair, with her bangs falling into her face. He ached for the chance to brush them away from her angelic face. And oh, how he missed her lips. Those lips that would meet his in moments of despair, and moments of fiery passion. He missed them shaping into the words. Words he used to say, and could no longer say

Luke Castellan turned away from her mesmerizing figure, his eyes welling up with tears. His hands shook as he sees her turn away from him, her solemn face looking off into the distance. He thought he'd never see her face ever again.

It's been exactly one year, three months, sixteen hours and fourty two minutes since he lost her. His angel, his love, Thalia Grace. They had been in a blossoming relationship with actual genuine love. "So rarely seen," they had both agreed over countless nights of coffee, ice skating and movies. Her favorite had been Silver Linings Playbook. His was that cheesy Christmas movie, Elf. They would snuggle together on the coldest of nights, in their busy city of New York. This is where Luke had met her, on the edge of Brooklyn, where he would do his usual grocery shopping, one faithful day. She had been a busy agent, yelling into her cell phone, about an audition of sorts. After reprimanding her for yelling, they began to discuss the hardships of being well known in this damned city. Soon, they became friends, and then more. Her confession had been quick, blunt and impatient. His burning, patient love for her accepted it. Three years they've been in that relationship. She was his long time lover and faithful indeed. They had their fair share of arguments and disputes, though they progressively came quicker. The more recent arguments, more brutal than the last. Having lived together for a short time, she began to sleep in her friend's apartment, too angry to accept his apologies. One night, one desperate night, she ran out of the apartment, screaming words that became daggers into his hear. He had chased after her, begging for forgiveness, until he witnessed her car crashing into another.

The lights, the screams, the blood. The crimson liquid oozed out of both cars, coming from her head. He was the one to carry her out of the wreckage, costing him the vision in his right eye. The scrap metal that had once been a vehicle scarred his eye. Not that it had mattered, though. All that mattered, that blinding guilt that followed him through the hours after the car wreck. That it had been his fault. His fault.

He kept his distance from her since, too guilty to even try and see her. But he could never forgive himself. He had been the one who caused it, the accident was his fault. His fault she had been in surgery for hours following the crash. His fault she required weeks of physiotherapy. And his own damn fault, when he came to see her and the first words that came out of her mouth was "I despise you."  
He's kept his distance ever since. He spent hours trying to forget her. It was his entire fault. He drank himself into stupor, dreaming the day away. He could hallucinate her running into his arms, but finds himself holding empty air. He missed the way she'd scold him for forgetting to put away his laundry. Or the way she'd feed him popcorn, one by one, when they'd go to see movies together. Their first kiss at Rockefeller, where he had slipped on the ice while skating and she caught by the waist, their lips tumbling into each other's. That had been their first action of passion, held against each other in the cold, cold night. And how many had followed since? He barely wanted to live without her. He distanced himself, because she hated him. He didn't see her because he had caused harm. He let her go, because he loved her.

That seemed to be ages since he let his angel go, but now, seeing her in all her glory, burned him even more. He felt tears begin to well in his eyes, as he turned away. She had a slight limp to her walk now, but it had been his words of anger that drove her to this slightly disabled state. He took a few tentative steps towards her, though the weight of a bus ticket sat in his pocket. He may never have this chance again, for only God knows here she lived now and the city was enormous. This may be his last and only chance to tell her. To tell her how he felt. That he will never stop loving her, ever. He felt the anxiety of telling her coat his head, or maybe that was just the rain. He looked at her, the scar prominent on his face, and finally spoke. The name he couldn't bring himself to say in silent night and lonely evenings.

"Thalia."

She turned, her eyes soon widening in shock at the sight of him, then hatred. Her beautiful face displayed such a shock of emotion; it stalled the words that she wanted to say to this man. He used it to his advantage, and the words came tumbling out.

"Thalia, please. Just listen to me," he pleaded, the sentence having been planned for ages, the pauses filled with broken pieces. His broken pieces.

"I didn't mean to hurt you like this. I never did. I didn't…I should have known this would happen, Thalia. But please…I didn't want to drive you away that night, but in the end, it was my entire fault." The tears began to flow freely down his face, the words coming as quick as they could before she could protest, "I don't care if you don't love me anymore. I still love you, but I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, Thalia-"

"You sure as hell did." Her melodious voice was like music so longed for, to him, "Because we lost a damn child in that crash."

"Wha-?"

"I was pregnant. That accident caused me to lose a baby. I didn't get to tell you."

What a horrible son of a bitch he had been.

"It's your fault," she hissed viciously.

"I know."

"You drove me away."

"I know."

"And don't you dare say you love me." Every word was like a dart, and it hit him dead center every time, "Cause I know you don't."

He simply stopped there, taking ever word like a blow to his chest. It was astounding, how much it hurt him. And the worst part was, he couldn't even try to apologize, because all she said was true. He simply stood there and took it as she spat in his face but when she started to turn away, to leave him again, he couldn't do it. He couldn't let her go again. He made that mistake once, and he'll never do it again. He ran after her, his feet racing to her, Thalia Grace. His angel, his love, his hope in time of need. He wouldn't let her go again. No more. Not again. He reached to grab her long coat, his trench coat billowing in the wind behind him. Ignoring her cry of rage, he wrapped his arms around her. Not again will he be alone. It was only her he loved. It hadn't been fair, when he lost her, all those months ago. It hadn't been fair he's contemplated suicide because she wasn't there. He loved her so damn much. And he wasn't about to give up.

"Let go!" she screamed, fighting against his grasp.

"I'm not going to, Thalia," he said softly, closing his eyes.

"Not again,"

"Luke,-I"

"Thalia, just shut the fuck up." He said, his voice breaking, "Cause you know I'll never stop. Not now, not ever. I've had to live with guilt, and maybe I'll never get this chance again. I love you, Thalia Grace. And I should've stayed, and held you close. I should've never let you go, and I should've known how much I needed you until it was too late. I should've held your hand and this is my entire fault because I fucked up bad. Please, Thalia-" His voice had reduced itself to a hoarse whisper, "Please."

Moments passed, that they stood there, her arms slowly wrapping themselves around him. Luke didn't want her to let go, cause she had fixed him. She whispered words of forgiveness. And he knew that he'd give up all his love, cause he had never, ever given up on their love. No more.

_"I won't give up on us. Even if the stars get rough. I'm givin' you all my love. Still looking up."_


End file.
